the slow and gradual


my first; green leather lock & key and “dear diary”.
journaling through the years, always afraid to write the real truth/real feelings…what if mom or dad or brothers or (even) friends read?

anais nin infused me with passion and possibility but there still was fear.
so many notebooks full of thoughts, expressions, emotions, insights.
a story came to me in a dream-a gift, a shock, a revelation;
when there’s quiet i can hear.

i can’t say why but once both mother and father left this earth, the sky rained words and freedom was there for the taking.

to share:
a release,
a song,
a prayer,
a longing,
a voice,
something seen,
the process,
a transformation,
moments strung together
the invitation.


  1. I wrote journals at eight years old and through the years. I actually had someone read my journal without permission and I felt so violated. It took me a long time to get over it.


    1. I know what you mean, privacy was always a factor for me as well. It’s taken me many decades and living with someone I can trust completely to a have a strong sense of freedom and not feeling “watched”.
      Thank you for visiting!


  2. I never had a diary cos i was scared that it be read and my feelings/expressions scorned upon.Living in a tight knit 4 member family it wasnt an option to find a place “hard to find” to hide a diary!

    Its only when i entered college and had “too many notebooks” that i took to writing and poems were the easiest expression of metaphoric representations of my feelings and thoughts! 🙂
    A lovely post to showcase your evolution! 🙂


  3. I too hid my thoughts in a diary during my teens. When I married, I stopped – I thought the risk of my otherwise unvoiced thoughts being read and causing pain too great. I lost my voice for months until I discovered I could instead type them into a locked and passworded computer file in private moments. My blog publishes my words for anyone in the world to find. This reminds me my thoughts and feelings are as valid as the next person’s. A blank page is an invitation indeed. Glad you finally found the courage to share your voice with us.


    1. I sure you know what you mean! I lost what little voice I did have when married as well. Nobody’s fault really…but I couldn’t trust and the spouse was also fearful….fastforward of yes, your thoughts and feelings are absolutely valid/have meaning/you have value! Courage.


  4. Oh, I think so many people began their writing with a diary. It is so good to have a place where one can share one’s thought…so important, in fact.


  5. I enjoyed reading about your various writing stages.
    I also wrote a diary when I was a teenager. I remember I hid it in various places hoping nobody would find it. Poetry came much later.


  6. interesting the catalyst of their deaths…for the words to take off…i never really kept a diary per se…i have journalled the last several year…well like 8…mostly impressions on the day…things i learned…and eventually verse…


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