He said Marry Me

20131221-205430.jpg

I loved a man once, the way we love another at 19 or 20, even 21. He was tall, slender, shining golden.
I would have to watch him dancing sexy with his girlfriend at parties.
He said to me once, as we lay together, he said, you know, I can’t always be with you. He continued, K. is my main girlfriend.
He said, you understand don’t you? And me, I said, in my most loving, understanding, “I know I don’t deserve all of you” kind of way…sure.
I said sure.

There’s more to this story but it’s already been said.

I wrote him a good-bye letter a few years later.
A good friend said, you have to tell him how you feel. I thought why. I thought, doesn’t he know?
I wrote it anyway. I poured my heart out. I wrote it to have a voice and it helped me understand my feelings.
I didn’t feel better but I did understand…more…maybe.
I told him, all I ever really wanted was for you to say you cared.
I asked if that was too much.

He never responded.

In deepest sleep not long ago, there he was, still tall, thin, and shining golden. It was me, now, my consciousness now.
It was me now he was speaking to.
In an apartment, in the dream time, he says, marry me, he says.
You know how it is in the dream world, mind to mind.
My mind is having the thought, oh you beautiful man, full of alcohol/heroin/cocaine, what makes you say that now, here in dream time?
I didn’t answer him, that seemed fair.

But you know, it felt, it was a circular event.
Feeling held by him through space and time; he reached through and gave me a gift.
You never know when tenderness will show itself.

Advertisements

About continuousdiscoveries

Discovering/rediscovering/uncovering/exploring the beauty way of life through words and images and sounds.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to He said Marry Me

  1. Meri Walker says:

    Love the image. Love the poetry. Separately and together!

  2. Love the first part… the last sentence really describes so much more than what is said. A sad tale yet real and down to earth, when you say no in your dreams you know it’s for real.

  3. claudia says:

    interesting that he even followed you into your dreams… it’s good that you know that you don’t have to answer… and letting go is never easy even if we know it is the best we can do

  4. Grace says:

    When dreams don’t match with reality, its better to let go & start anew ~ Dreams are always about us and if we find strength in not giving in & perhaps saying now, perhaps that is a gift in itself ~

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s